Treating Other People Right, and Thinking About Them First

We speak about Karen often at work. Sometimes it’s just friends reflecting upon the past, but it’s also when we speak about who we are as a business, and why we are that way. Mostly, I love using the phrase that Karen wanted to “lift people up,” and never to tear them down.

The concept of thinking about others is central to the culture of our business, and a great part of our success. Heck, our business doesn’t have Customer Service, we have Customer Satisfaction Advocates. Our front office personnel speak to our customers, listen to what they need, and advocate for that. Their responsibility is to make sure that we, as a company, do whatever we need to do so that the customer is able to succeed. We strive to lift them up, like Karen would.

I often speak about Karen in ways that make it seem that I only remember the good things. Yes, sometimes people like to put a shine on history. But I don’t think people really know much about our relationship.

People often view me as being a dominant personality, and in many cases this is true. I don’t like to compromise. I can be pretty assertive, am opinionated, and am rarely reluctant to argue a position. When I choose a course of action, I’m steadfast, and rarely defer. I have a mean “resting bitch face” which I use unknowingly, and a little too often.

It might surprise you that Karen was the dominant personality in our relationship.

I think both of us were strong willed. And for all of that, I’m not really sure why we interacted so well with each other. I had my thing, and she supported that, but when we weren’t doing my thing, it was all about her, and I wanted it that way, so I guess it was still my thing.

I can’t point at one thing and say that it was the thing. I know what when we first dated, I promised her I’d never lie to her, and never did. Never once, about anything. Sometimes this forced me to say uncomfortable things, but it probably also forced me to be honest with myself about things. I do know that when we disagreed, we did so without trying to hurt each other, and I think we were more honest with each other than most couples.

I also know that we viewed ourselves as being on the same side, and always faced the outside world as one. I know that anybody reading this blog never saw Karen or me denigrating the other. You never saw us raising our voices at the other, and you never heard one of us making fun of the other. You’ve never seen it, because it never happened, in public or in private.

She was always on my side.

An argument for us was when one of us disagreed with the other. No raised voices, no denigration, no fallout. There are plenty of times she irritated the shit out of me, and surely tons more when I did so to her, but even then we figured it out. Neither of us ever slept on the couch. I’ve often shared a funny thing from early in our relationship, when we were first dating. We bought a couch, or actually, I paid for a couch for us, and I told her that if I was going to pay for the couch, that I’d never have to sleep on it. Much to my surprise, I never did!

Okay, let’s reign this back in… Karen treated people well. She showed them respect, had empathy, and sought out ways that she could set other people up for success. When she took a particular effort she called them her “baby birds.” It seemed a bit odd at the time, but looking back, I can see it.

So what is the lesson here? Don’t be a dick. Think of other people. Don’t denigrate others to make yourself feel better. Treat your partner as another part of yourself. Think of your partner first. Enjoy other people’s accomplishments.

I’ve never met a person who supported me like she did. Recently some friends indicated she said the same to them about me. I was a little flabbergasted at that.

So, what’s the moral of the story? Let’s all work to lift each others up. Whether it’s our family, our friends, or the people around us. All it takes is a split second to curb a quick response, or a second or two to actually consider the other person’s perspective before escalating an argument. It’s worth it, if you care about the other person.